Dear 20-year-old self

I recently heard a story on NPR about a single mom in Iowa, in her early 20’s, who asked her older friends for some advice. The advice she asked for was not advice tailored expressly for her, though. It was much more creative than that. She asked her friends to write letters of advice to themselves, at age 20.

Being a few years (OK, OK, a decade and maybe more than a few years) older than 20 myself, I couldn’t help but immediately start composing just such a letter to long ago, far away 20-year-old Angie.  Here are some of the pearls of wisdom I came up with for her:

• If he’s cheated before, he’ll cheat again. It doesn’t matter that she made him “so” unhappy, or that you are “totally” different from her.
• If someone has more money than you do, it does not make them better than you are.
• It’s not the best plan to take off on road trips with guys you don’t know very well, who are clearly, if you stop and think about it for 5 seconds or so, just trying to get in your pants. You’re going to spend the whole trip fighting them off, and then dealing with their wounded egos. This will kind of spoil the fun.
• If he falls off the wagon, run away. Do not- I repeat, do not- marry him.
• You don’t have to prove anything to anyone except yourself.
• Tequila always leads to poor decision making. (Admittedly though, these tend to be among the best kinds of bad decisions.)
• You are a beautiful person who deserves love and happiness, always.
• Breathe deeply, and often.
• Enjoy the next 10 or 12 years of eating whatever you want and effortlessly staying a size 6. In fact, eat more!
• Every mistake you make now, and every dark time you endure, will ultimately make you a better, stronger, smarter and happier person.

Of course, in truth, if 20-year-old Angie had heard this from the great and aged beyond, she would have ignored it and continued her headlong, free-wheeling attack on life. And if I hadn’t made all the mistakes, been through all the heartache, and done all the hard work, I would have missed some of the most amazing adventures (thus far) in my life. I wouldn’t have learned to be my own best friend, to make myself laugh when I was feeling down, or to hold my own hand when I was scared. I might not have the clarity to give grateful witness to all the treasures in my present day life, including my amazing friends, the unconditional love and support of my family, and my fiance, who is such a good man, he makes all the bad men of the past completely worth it.

So I guess really, if I had to give 20-year-old Angie advice, I would say “Keep doing what you’re doing, kiddo.” And also, I would say, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”